Would You Do It Differently

This was a first date outfit a while back. Turned out to be an only date outfit as well. Not because things hadn't been happening or didn't progress, it was just the only time that was actually, remotely a date. Perhaps that should have been a warning.

I felt strange. I'm glad I can write music again, because that just went away for a while. The numbness and complacency should have been a sign. 

The worst of it is how it made me question myself. Made me question whether I deserved to be treated decently. Made me worry all the time. Made me paranoid and suspicious. Made me feel crazy. Made me wonder if I knew myself at all. That should have given me pause.

And it taught me how much support I have in my life and it taught me to trust girls, which, for some reason I've always had trouble with. I should have trusted them sooner- it would have made everything easier. And it was that deliberate isolation that I suppose was the most impressive. It was not the first or the last time I felt it, but it was the most subtle.

Brown Strappy Heels - Marshalls

Brown Leather Gladiator Skirt - Mustard Seed

Le Chateau Gold Silk Blouse - Le Chateau

August Cashmere Pale Blue Cashmere Sweater Vest - Off Saks

Ultimately, I just hope that I learned something. I started to learn to trust my instinct, a skill I've been working on. I learned what kind of person I don't want to be. I became more patient, more forgiving, more gentle. I'm struggling to keep learning from it. There's a degree of carefree-ness and joy that I've lost. I'm still working on getting back to being myself the way I was before.

Song Of The Day: Can We Go Wrong - Hesta Prynn

Music made it better. Music made me smile, made me feel less alone. Music had been how we related, it was what I resorted to when things were bad, it was what defined the happy moments. Music helped me resolve my feelings and the best thing that came out of it was the songs. I'm still finding out things about what happened. I'm still using it.

Tonight You're Sleeping

Signing up for a new hotmail account, my verification phrase was 'fulfilment crongs'. I find this hysterical. It's like the kind of thing you want to name a punk band or something, with some deep meaning behind it. 

I went on an engagement photo-taking adventure with A. The couple was an example that match.com can work. Clearly, there were far more photos than I'm including here, but out of respect for their privacy, I did not include anything with a face.

I love how their outfits go together.. they don't match, but they go. I seriously doubt they coordinated it, for some reason.

Afterwards, A took me for a reward lunch at La Madeleine. I love their food. I have strange memories of being very young and having brunch there. I remember having a strange reaction to the food- I had a sense that it was sophisticated and therefore something to enjoy, but I didn't particularly like it. The flavors were too intense and odd for me to enjoy. There was a lot of onion and a lot of spice. I've matured and now I love it. A thought watching me eat was really funny because of how much I enjoyed the food.

Roots White Ruffled Top (Roots)

Ooh La La Mushroom Soup

So Leafy, So Green, Green Cesar Salad

When Harry Met Sally Lemon Meringue Tart

The food was reaaaaallly good

Song Of The Day: Stop That Bus - Grace Potter

Eyes So Blue

While I was in California, I did my good deed for the next ... forever.

I might have to accept that I am just TERRIBLE with directions. My grandmother draws incredible and detailed maps when she gives directions, labeling streets, including stop signs, lights, landmarks, etc. Not once, but twice when I was given one of these maps in the last 2 days, along with her intricate verbal directions, I managed to get myself so turned around and lost that I had to call for help. They were not my proudest moments. And had I just trusted and followed her maps, and not second-guessed anything, I would have been fine. Foolish self. My grandmother is not young by any stretch, but that woman is so mentally sharp it is both rather astounding, and also irritatingly easy to forget her actual age.

Nine West Black 'Zombie' Boots (Nordstroms)

AB Grey Skinny Jeans (Ebay)

Old Navy Black & White Striped Shirt (Old Navy)

Charter Club Red Cashmere Cardigan (Ebay)

Adia Kibur Earrings (Ideeli)

Red Hair Bow (My Childhood)

Song Of The Day: It'll All Work Out - Tom Petty

I'm Not Unkind

I want to relate a conversation I had a couple days ago with someone. 'Conversation' is probably the wrong word. Said person had this 'conversation' with his or her self while I just looked at them strangely. Name completely withheld to protect the crazy.

"(Sung) Spoon finger, with hands made of spoons..."
 ::snort:: omg, what is wrong with me?? I was doing that unconsciously- so when my brain shuts down and the most primitive, bottom-dwelling side comes out, that's what you get. A song about spoons. I'm not going to make it. Go on without me."

Of course, the whole thing reminded me of: Scary, eh?

But the song about spoons only came about because the dishes were getting done. So I can't really complain.

Arturo Chang Black Strappy Heels - Ebay

Green Socks - Bought By Mom Before She Realized How Much Shame They Would Bring Her When I Grew Up

Black Socks - Who Knows From Where

I embarrass my mom. A LOT. I know this. She was a somewhat good sport anyhow and took these pictures, so I have to give her credit. Of course, she spent most of the time trying to hide her face and hide me and make sure no one saw. She kept commenting on what the neighbors would think. I think it was the socks that did it. How can you not love socks? I ask. Also, who cares what the neighbors think? I mean.. they think it's in good taste to paint red brick houses white and put sparkly rhinestone leashes on their male labradors. Oh, and to wear PJs out of the house to go grocery shopping. It's totally acceptable when you're 20 and adorable and can get away with anything because it's all tongue in cheek. It's not cute when you're near 60, your PJs have holes, and you lost your sense of humor years ago. I heart my neighbors! (Seriously)

Black & White Dress - Macys

Interestingly, this dress was also almost a source of my parents' embarrassment. Amazing how often that happens. I got it to wear to a New Year's party at a friend's. When I tried it on for my parents, they were horrified. I think they said because it was too casual. It's a pretty intense commentary on how I usually dress that this dress could be seen by anyone as 'casual' - it's silky!

Dior 'Poison' Gold & Black Necklace - Inherited From Mom

Bird Feeder - Cast Off By The Squirrels After They Ravaged It

These shots made my mother the most nervous. The ones where I was touching other people's property. Because then they wouldn't just judge. They would judge ANGRILY.

Violets In My Hair - Weeds From Our Lawn 

Black & Gold Earrings - Gift From Y

How can violets ever be considered a weed? I would take a lawnful of them over a lawnful of grass any day. Until after the spring when they all died and all that was left was sad stalks and then I would be all, ohhh nooo, should have planted grass. But until then.

The lilacs smell amazing.

Song Of The Day - Pumpkin Soup - Kate Nash

Don't Be Afraid

Here are your sunglasses and your water. Welcome to Lala land.

It's strange how temperature is so relative. 60s, 70s back East are glorious temperatures for this time of year, out West, not so. I swear, I am freezing. Really, really freezing. I made the mistake of not really packing warm clothes because it was never going to get below 50. Mistake is the wrong word. I packed in about 10 min by throwing a ton of stuff into my suitcase, sitting on it, and saying many, many prayers until it closed. I did not pack well. I CAN pack well, and take tremendous pride in it, but this is not a good example. At least I managed socks and underwear.

Palladium Brown Boots (DSW)

Jeggings (Burlington Coat Factory)

Express Black Dress (Express)

Magasconi Grey Sweater (Saks)

Le Chateau Red Lace Necklace (Le chateau)

My aunt gave us a Lily plant as a housewarming gift. Then, a couple of days later, we got cats. Liles are death to cats. Sad day. There goes that plant.

Song Of The Day: True Colors - Glee Cover of Cyndi Lauper

I'll Try To Rest If You'll Stand Guard

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return." -Moulin Rouge

If I had enough inspiration, I'd start every post with a quote. This one came on my ipod (in the form of one of the songs from the movie) at a most appropriate time. It's something that can be so easy to take for granted, but sometimes it is harder to let yourself be loved. It's sad, and in some ways it can hurt more when someone won't let you love them than when they don't love you back.

Spring is, far and away, my favorite season, followed closely by fall. I think we missed fall this year. Just completely missed. How do I know? I line my jackets & coats up by season and there is an entire section of my closet that just got passed over in my hurry to get from a light cardigan to omg-I-must-have-my-marshmallow-of-a-down-coat-it's-too-cold. And then there are the days that are just teases. We've got cold and rainy and then, bam.. the sun comes out, the temperature goes up, and everything smiles in appreciation. And then dies in the cold the next day.. oh cruel mother nature!!

Neutral colors against other neutral colors have displaced black as my favorite backdrop clothing-wise. And I have no problem mixing just about every neutral with every other neutral. It might be dangerous- much like baking soda and vinegar, you never know if it's going to explode in your face or just kind of bubble up and run down the sides of the volcano (I promise that somehow, that made sense in my head).

Brown Faux-Suede Boots

Arden B Brown Shorts (Arden B)

Polo Ralph Lauren White Tank Top (Ralph Lauren)

Gap Tan Cardigan (Old Navy)

Red Necklace & Earrings Set (Gift)

So Pretty Against A Cold Sky (even though I hate yellow...)

I get a kick out of cracked.com... I just find some of their articles especially perceptive, like this one. I so agree. It's more of a 'why people ask/assume the wrong things about people article. It's true that we all seem to like to displace blame. Because we're women, duh that's why...

Song Of The Day: Leave - Barenaked Ladies

The Click Of The Light

Fairytales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairytales tell children that dragons can be killed ." - G.K. Chesterton

I love this quote. It's one of those things I would never have thought of on my own, but that makes so much sense once you read it. It rather makes me want to go back and read all those fairy tales I loved as a kid all over again, just to see what else I missed. It's fascinating. Now we all have our own dragons. I've been trying to figure out mine. And I've been trying to slay them.

If anything reminded me of armor that a fairy tale dragon slayer would wear, it's this purple tunic. Maybe it's the combination with the belt, but it just reminds me of chain mail and dragon scales and something vaguely military at the same time. I just hope I'm ready.

Tretorn Black & Pink Wellies (Rue La La)

INC Black Skinny Pants (Macys)

White Rabbit Fur Jacket (Christmas Gift)

Vintage Bracelets (Gift)

Art Deco Ring (gift to myself from Barclay's, which I can't find anywhere online)

Looooong Black Earrings (Laila Rowe)

Black Bow Heels (Macys)

Black & Rainbow Legwarmers (Self-Made)

Gap White Long-Sleeved Shirt (Mustard Seed)

Green Plaid Flannel Tunic (Burlington Coat Factory)

Purple Lace Knit Tunic (Borrowed Store Sample)

Black Belt (Gift)

Song Of The Day: No Cars Go - Arcade Fire

I May Have Lost My Best Friend

Ask anyone who knows me and chances are one of the first things they will tell you about me is that I'm guarded. Well, ok, they probably won't tell you, because you probably wouldn't ask the appropriate question to elicit that sort of answer, and, even then, because they're friends, they probably wouldn't share that about me. So I'll tell you- I'm guarded. I think these pictures are wonderful for conveying that, even if that wasn't necessarily the initial intention.

Bakers Black & Zipper Stilettos (Mustard Seed)

Betsey Johnson Cherry Dress (Mustard Seed)

Black & Pink Puff Skirt (Chickdowntown)

Ralph Lauren Black Hat (Mustard Seed)

Black Leather Gloves (Target)

I love looks that have elements of 40s dressing. It's sexy in a shocking way, even though it's extremely modest. There's just a shape that is achieved that is the epitome of feminine, and in some ways, I think it's odd that we moved away from it. In case there was any doubt, part of the inspiration for this outfit is:

Ah Dior

Dior seemed like a man designing clothes for men, as in clothes for women that men will respond to in a strongly favorable way. Let's face it, a lot of today's fashion is inscrutable to the opposite sex.

Song Of The Day: Zebraskin - Dredg

We Lost Our Way

We got one more day of it being unseasonably warm. It was glorious. Of course it was bounded by miserable, cold, and/or rainy days.

I suppose, in a way, this post is to prove that I can be moderately practical at times. Like for walking a puppy. I actually wore flats- be amazed. I'm also pretty confident I did not even brush my hair in the morning. Go go Unkempt-Girl.

Is not she the cutest?!?

Flash in the slide made us both look evil, so we did away with the flash.

Gap Black Flats (Mustard Seed)

Arden B Brown Shorts (Arden B)

Ralph Lauren Blue Striped Button-Down (Hand-Me-Down)

Pearls (Gift)

Song Of The Day: Thursday - Asobi Seksu