Would You Do It Differently

This was a first date outfit a while back. Turned out to be an only date outfit as well. Not because things hadn't been happening or didn't progress, it was just the only time that was actually, remotely a date. Perhaps that should have been a warning.

I felt strange. I'm glad I can write music again, because that just went away for a while. The numbness and complacency should have been a sign. 

The worst of it is how it made me question myself. Made me question whether I deserved to be treated decently. Made me worry all the time. Made me paranoid and suspicious. Made me feel crazy. Made me wonder if I knew myself at all. That should have given me pause.

And it taught me how much support I have in my life and it taught me to trust girls, which, for some reason I've always had trouble with. I should have trusted them sooner- it would have made everything easier. And it was that deliberate isolation that I suppose was the most impressive. It was not the first or the last time I felt it, but it was the most subtle.

Brown Strappy Heels - Marshalls

Brown Leather Gladiator Skirt - Mustard Seed

Le Chateau Gold Silk Blouse - Le Chateau

August Cashmere Pale Blue Cashmere Sweater Vest - Off Saks

Ultimately, I just hope that I learned something. I started to learn to trust my instinct, a skill I've been working on. I learned what kind of person I don't want to be. I became more patient, more forgiving, more gentle. I'm struggling to keep learning from it. There's a degree of carefree-ness and joy that I've lost. I'm still working on getting back to being myself the way I was before.

Song Of The Day: Can We Go Wrong - Hesta Prynn

Music made it better. Music made me smile, made me feel less alone. Music had been how we related, it was what I resorted to when things were bad, it was what defined the happy moments. Music helped me resolve my feelings and the best thing that came out of it was the songs. I'm still finding out things about what happened. I'm still using it.